Anger and Hate – What’s the Benefit of having either of these in our Lives?

Silly question? Perhaps not.  I have learned that there is indeed a method to our personal madness, meaning there is a reason why we do things.  Believe it or not, by holding on to these intense feelings, we are pushing others away.  Think about it….who wants to be around someone who spews venom at us or those around us?  Subconsciously or unconsciously, we may want to hold onto the pain we may be experiencing, and holding that anger will stop us from addressing the issue and possibly growing in the process.

Now, I also have seen how we cannot get this upset about something unless we are truly passionate about it.  That part holds value, as I see the benefit of caring.  When it gets to an extreme level, however, I think we shoot ourselves in the foot.  So let’s keep the passion and direct it in more appropriate ways to get your needs met.  If something is bothering you, take time to reflect on how and even why, as you may see a pattern in your life including how you see yourself from progressing through issues.  If it is someone who has affected you, imagine being able to  discuss it with them and getting your needs met.  This would be a beautiful thing and model to yourself that whatever comes up, you can address it before the feelings grow into something is painful and caustic.

Good Luck!

What a Friend Means To Me

What is a friend to me?

A Friend is someone to lean on

A Friend is someone to look in on us when we are in need

• A Friend is someone to laugh with as well as cry with when we need to
• A Friend is someone to  bounce ideas off of
• A Friend is someone who can handle our frustrations

 

I do not know where I would be without friendship.  The kindness and support I receive are things I would not trade and I am fortunate to be blessed with special people in my life.  Are you fortunate enough to have such friends in your life?

Interestingly, many I have worked with have shared feeling uncomfortable leaning on a friend and getting the support they may be struggling to find. Why?  Some have said they would not want to burden their friends.  Others have shared being embarrassed and needy to keep their pain even from their closest friends.  Ah!  Then what good is having a friend, I say!  A true friend can handle what you need to say.  Have faith in you and lean on them when in need.

Shame the Tie that Binds Our Pain

No matter who you are, your life circumstances in what you have been through, any of us tend to get stuck and feel shame.  While this can be experienced
emotionally in a number of ways, it tends to be unresolved issues that hold us
down and which we feel shame about.

It is easy to imagine a negative experience in our lives and the idea that we have harmed others or negatively affected them in some way.   Of course, if we have not made amends, it is quite possible that others could be upset and have shared this with us.  In this situations, other persons words and the hurt we know we have caused could indeed feel shameful.  Many times though that shame is self imposed.

Suffering in Silence: Why not reach out for help?

There are a number of reasons that seem to stop us from getting the necessary support when we are in need.

1. The idea that I should be able to manage this myself.

2. The thought of appearing weak or somehow being judged by others.

3. Doubting that others can truly help you.

4. Perhaps believing we then owe that person who helped us and sensing a one-down position.

These may be only some of the reasons  we don’t get support when we need it.  The truth is we will not have all of the answers to everything that comes up in our lives.   Somethings may confuse us or worry us.  Here are but a few of the realities of suffering in silence:

1. If we turn down help, the problem does not get any easier.

2. We are not likely to magically resolve the situation when overwhelmed.

3. We may become more and more frustrated/agitated/worried, etc.

This can impact other areas of our life.  If we do reach out and find out that support we can see new possibilities to succeed, not only here, but in future situations as well.  You can feel hopeful and excited to check this off the list.  The benefits are overwhelmingly positive.  Try it. It maybe easier than you realize.

Positive Self-Care

I believe the stressors that exist in our lives today are even more prevalent than decades ago.   Instead of just plugging away in trying to meet that next task or deadline, or even self-imposed expectations, you need to evaluate your needs and wants every so often.   Am I being true to myself?

What are the things that you most want out of life.  Perhaps more time alone, more time with your significant other or more time doing hobbies and other pleasurable activities.  When we nurture ourselves, we are best able to succeed at meeting the hopes and expectations of others.  But it has to be “us” first at least some of the time.

Challenges of Today’s Parenting

Parenting these days may be substantially challenging than ever before.  Parenting is indeed a full time job and it does not command the respect it deserves.  There are so many more languages that parents need to learn these days.  For example, DSIs, Ipods, Wii’s, etc., have a lingo of their own.  To those with step-children out there, blended families are indeed more common than decades before, and it takes a lot of courage and effort to share co-parenting responsibilities. We all hear the horror stories of dealing with the “other parent” for those who had been through a divorce.

Being there for your children everyday can be a life-changing experience and I fear many are not prepared.  When you love your child, you offer them a host of opportunities for their future.  In general, I see many of us who sacrifice much of ourselves to offer something better for our children.  This is beautiful. Thinking about our kids, their schooling, and all the increasing expectations there, their futures and what they will become, their friends and who maybe influencing them — all these things are musts, in my opinion, and take a lot of effort and focus.  When you give of yourself, know you are making a difference as mom or dad and be proud of it.

Counseling in Today’s Society

Many people think that something must be seriously wrong with them if they go to counseling.  Meanwhile, how many millions  have already gone?  How many of of us are going to get stuck on an issue and not know how to best cope?  No one will  have all the answers all of the time.

The truth of the matter is we are bound to get stuck more often than any of us would ever imagine, but that is ok.  Being intelligent can help, but some issues call for more than just intelligence.  Being driven and motivated to solve problems can also help and,  yet, there may still be some pieces of the puzzle that are missing.  Then there  is the matter of our hearts and how we may lead with only our emotions and  without our minds too.

Counseling is about having support, hearing a neutral opinion, knowing you won’t be judged and having at least one place to talk about your most uncomfortable and unimaginable thoughts and feelings. With so many already going to counseling, doesn’t it seem more normal for those that go?